The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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Psyched that I went to a concert for three hours and only missed 263 pieces of news.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) May 11, 2017
Can we all agree that people who talk on the phone at the gym should be fined $100 per word
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) May 6, 2017
my little sister said “men are trash” to my mom and my mom said “yup…they lie, they’re unloyal…right farwa?” and I’ve never been happier
— farwz (@farwzz) May 7, 2017
I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed “yay! TWO christmases!” from the other room.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) May 6, 2017
my little cousin rolled up like “so I heard you wanted a brownie”
http://pic.twitter.com/X6f6sGjXlH
— wikipedia brown (@eveewing) May 6, 2017
Turns out, you can still get fired from mall security for yelling complements through the 2-way mirror in the dressing room so don’t do that
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) May 9, 2017
Whenever audience members tell me “I usually don’t think women are funny but…”, I want them to end it with “then again, I’m the worst.”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 9, 2017
Angel: so, the chicken first or the egg?
God: let the humans guess…
A: thats eggcelent!
G: stop trying to make eggcelent happen, Steve— Jane Eggs Benecactus (@AtticusFinch79) May 9, 2017
Fuck you, ocean. If you have something to say, say it to my face instead of through a shell, you piece of shit.
— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) May 8, 2017
do u ever look at all the shit news inundating u on a daily basis & it’s so overwhelming u just laugh? oh, that’s a nervous breakdown? nvrm
— beth can’t with this (@bourgeoisalien) May 10, 2017
Quick while we don’t have a FBI Director, copy all the VHS tapes you have! No one can stop you! http://pic.twitter.com/zxUvnPWMtW
— Sarah Fox (@SarahFoxes) May 10, 2017
When did dating become me and my friends just texting “I want to die” back and forth to each other
— alana hope levinson (@alanalevinson) May 10, 2017
the monster community needs to take accountability and apologize on behalf of ted cruz
— Ziwe (@ziwe) May 8, 2017
Sometimes I read Trump’s twitter & recall that for most of American history people were like, “women are too emotional to be president.”
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) May 12, 2017
*sorts by price low to high*
— Taryn Finley (@_TARYNitUP) May 12, 2017
I know this isn’t the right takeaway from 2017 but the news really makes me feel like texting my ex isn’t the worst thing I could do.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) May 10, 2017
THE BEACH GONNA GET WHATEVER BODY I GIVE IT http://pic.twitter.com/NSOxVqm2iT
— Rachel (@rachelPLZdotcom) May 9, 2017
boys love:
– rick & morty
– beer and a shot
– knowing what year a movie was made— Alanna Okun (@alanna) May 6, 2017
Kellyanne Conway always sounds like her husband came home early and she’s talking to him in front of a closet where her lover is hiding.
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) May 10, 2017
best part of working from home is having your 5y/o run in while you’re on a conference call and cry “I accidentally peed in the wrong place”
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 9, 2017
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May 13, 2017 at 01:39AM
from Alanna Vagianos
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